Dolly Parton – Self Made? 1.26.26

Yesterday Dolly Parton passed away at the age of 80.  She died from cancer.  Several years ago, the New York Times quipped, “Is there anything we can agree on? Yes, there is – Dolly Parton.”

Known for her outsize persona, appearance and talent, she rose from rural poverty to become a top-selling singer, songwriter and entrepreneur.  Inducted into both the country music and rock ’n’ roll halls of fame, Dolly Parton was the top-ranking female singer on country radio from 1967 to 1993 and had a total of 25 No. 1 country singles.

Not only a gifted singer and songwriter, but she also starred in several films, including “Steel Magnolias” (1989), with Julia Roberts and Shirley MacLaine. In 1976, she became the first woman in country music to host her own syndicated TV series; a decade later, she had an hourlong variety show on ABC. With all her star power as an entertainer — including her hundreds of appearances on TV talk shows and specials – Dolly viewed herself, first and foremost, as a storyteller and songwriter.

Growing up in poverty in rural Virginia in the 1970’s, I grew up listening to Dolly Parton.  Mom was a HUGE country music fan.  When she was not cooking, cleaning or watching her soap operas, Mom would listen to country music. As we got ready for school each day, she would have country music blaring from a large radio in our tiny kitchen/eating space.  So, I grew up listening to Porter Wagner, Johnny Cash, George Jones, Willie Neslson, Ronnie Milsap, Buck Owens, Conway Twitty, Merle Haggard, Charlie Rich, Charlie Pride, and of course, Tammy Wynette and Loretta Lynn.  It was 1967 when Dolly joined Porter Wagner at his back-up singer on his hugely popular country music television variety show. And shortly thereafter, the hits started rolling out – first as duets with Porter Wagner and then a slew of hits as a solo artist in the mid-70’s when she left his show to pursue a solo career.

It would be years later that I would truly learn of Dolly Parton’s childhood growing up poor in the hills of Tennessee.  I would learn that her father was a tenant farmer and was illiterate.  No stranger to rural poverty – she grew growing up in a one room shack with 11 siblings with no plumbing or electricity. 

Like Dolly, I was also no stranger to rural poverty. I did everything I could early in my life to either ignore or hide my past.  Dolly did just the opposite.  With her quick intelligence, natural charisma as an entertainer, skilled songwriting and beautiful voice, she took hold of that narrative and turned it into an entertainment empire. She would openly talk about her poverty – and shame. One of her songs, “Coat of Many Colors” beautifully explores that theme.

As Dolly artfully describes in her songs, living in poverty brings shame. For me, that shame and embarrassment stayed with me for a long time and it had an impact on my relationships, mostly in negative ways.  That shame brought with it the feeling of always being an outsider, and with it, distrust and anger. Because I had so much emotional scar tissue, I rarely let my guard down and did not emotionally engage – with anyone.  Through Grace I would eventually find the courage to own my own background, my highly dysfunctional family, and therefore, my shame and my pain.

Again, Dolly was different and, in many ways, unique. As a natural empath, she was all about being in relationships. An example of her empathy was how she described her professional break-up with Porter Wagoner, one of her mentors. After being on his show for seven years, she decided to go out on her own.  By then her fame and stardom had eclipsed Porter Wagoner’s.  He was bitter about it – so he sued her.  The breakup for her was both emotionally and financially painful.  Despite that, during an interview she made the following comment about Porter, “He did not know when he hired me that I was an exceptional songwriter.  He did not know that I was a natural entertainer.”  The interviewer realized that she was saying these things about Porter Wagoner without judgment. He simply didn’t know.  Like most empaths, she was able to hold and understand his confusion and pain.  But unlike many empaths, she was able to do so while simultaneously pointing out that she was separate from him and would not sacrifice her ambition for anyone. She owned her power, but she still had an amazing capacity to give. In fact, her mega hit “I Will Always Love You,” was written as a loving farewell to Porter.

So, here is the question, “Is Dolly Parton a Self-Made Woman?” One can argue that if anyone can claim to be self-made, it is Dolly Parton.  A few people, after hearing my story, have told me that I am self-made.  I am quick to say I am not. However, Dolly Parton came from less than me and achieved fame, fortune, and influence that most people cannot even dream of. We know she is intelligent and talented.  She obviously has perseverance and an incredible work ethic. Hmm… sounds self-made.

I write stories in my blog because I hope to one day string these stories together to form a book that is all about being in community through relationships. And that doing so leads to success in many aspects of life. And so, by definition, no person is self-made.  And I make this argument based on stories from my own life that describe the grace and help I received from others. That is why I am so certain that my journey was not a journey made alone, even though I wanted to do it alone, and at times, I may have even thought I was alone. But in looking back I was never alone.  I had others looking out for me even when I did not know they were doing so. 

Dolly Parton achieved the “American Dream” and then some. As a result, she would often be labeled as “self-made” by others.  However, like me, (I like saying this), Dolly Parton never claimed to be self-made. She would dispel that by stating the opposite — consistently and explicitly crediting other people with her success. She emphasized gratitude toward the people who helped her along the way, saying real success means taking pride in and appreciating the people who helped you get there. 

Early in life, Dolly had something that many people who grow up in poverty and shame do not have.  She had pride and confidence. And that came from her family.  Although poor, she was fortunate to come from a two-parent household with lots of love and affirmation.  She also had a loving extended family. She credits her uncle Bill Owens to being pivotal to her career success, saying he encouraged her to write songs, practice singing, and helped get her first job on the Cas Walker Show. She wrote, “I wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t been there.” 

She had talent as a songwriter, but there are many talented songwriters.  And it was her uncle who nurtured her confidence and talent at songwriting. And she could write songs – and her childhood gave her plenty to write about.  One’s past cannot be ignored, and it will always find you.  Dolly did not ignore her past, she exploited it! She also knew in her bones that, “It’s not what happens to you that defines you. It is your response to those events that define you.”  Her family gave her the building blocks that would carry her forward.

And then came her big break – becoming the backup singer to Porter Wagoner on his show, which reached over three million people. When she first appeared on the show, fans did not like her because the fan base preferred the backup singer that Dolly replaced.  However, Porter Wagoner stuck with her. He mentored her and gave her the platform to fame.  First, they became an amazing country duet.  Next, given her talent and work ethic, she became a star on her own. Even after the breakup, she openly called Porter – her early TV/duet partner – a mentor, despite a complicated and sometimes tense relationship over money and control.

And now we go back to the importance of family. The most important relationship in Dolly’s life would be her 60-year marriage to her husband Carl Dean, who passed away in 2025.  Dolly met Carl outside a laundromat in Nashville when she was 18 and he was 21.  He operated a paving company. They got married two years later. A private person, he was a rock for Dolly Parton. Dolly would always assert that her husband was one of the stabilizing forces in her life.

“God has been good to me,” she said. “He gave me Carl Dean. And that was the best thing that ever happened to me.” Speaking of God, Dolly often spoke about faith and providence in her success — she said she imagined and dreamed and worked for her success, but credited God with letting her have it. So, the pattern across her own words is the opposite of “self-made” – hard work paired with credit to mentors, family, faith, and specific people who opened doors for her.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ And maybe, just maybe, there was a little luck.  I guess Dolly calls that “providence.”

So, no one is self-made – not even Dolly Parton. An overarching theme to Dolly’s success in her life was “being in relationship.”  And this is backed up by science.  The Harvard longitudinal study that is still ongoing found that the number one factor to living a long and happy life is being in relationships. I do not minimize the importance of hard work, perseverance, intelligence, and even luck to be successful, but anyone who insists that he or she is a self-made man or woman is delusional and is lying to themselves and to others.  I now believe that anyone who claims to have a successful and happy life did not do it alone.  Because of relationships, Dolly not only achieved the American Dream and then some but also lived a good life.

Jad Abumrad, who had a guest column in today’s New York times, said the following about Dolly Parton.  “I was lucky enough to interview Dolly Parton a dozen times, on two different continents, and she began nearly every interview with some version of this: ‘Ask me anything you want to ask me, and I’ll tell you what I want you to hear!’ And then she would give you that disarming laugh.” I think that incapsulates Dolly.  She was open and honest, but she knew how to set boundaries and wanted you to know that she was the one in control.

Because her father grew up illiterate, Dolly created a non-profit called the Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library to encourage reading and literacy.  The non-profit sponsors a book gifting program that mails one free, high-quality book per month to children from birth to age five, no matter the family’s income. Begun in 1995, the program now spans five countries and gifts over 2 million books a month. My community, Louisa County, started a chapter of this program three years ago and is now one of the most active chapters in Virginia. Death will eventually take each of us.  It is a fact that the day we were born is the day begin to die. The paradox is that once we accept this inevitable truth, we truly begin to live. Life and living become more precious. I think Dolly lived that truth. When she was born, our galaxy that we call humanity welcomed a star. She would eventually become a supernova, brightening our part of the galaxy with enormous energy and love. Yesterday, our galaxy lost one of its brightest stars.