The Power of Positive Intent and the Raw Power of AI Writing Tools 9.18.25

Yesterday evening I had a conversation with a friend who attends church with me.  Afterwards, I realized that I had used a part of that discussion to complain about some things at our church. And to be more specific, I shared how some older people in our congregation who have been members for many years feel dismissed by our relatively new Rector because the new Rector seems more focused on recruiting young families to our Church. And then I added on to this general statement with the following experience I had.

During our Ministries Fair several Sundays ago, I approached two young men who were staffing the Men’s Softball Table. Their table happened to be next to the table I was stationed at, which was the Men’s Ministry Table. Because our Saturday Men’s Breakfasts have no young men attending, I was determined to recruit these two young men to our Men’s Breakfast.  When I did so they totally dismissed me. They did this not directly but did so in a way that was patronizing.  I felt like an old man being talked down to.  And I felt hurt.  And it made me angry. 

I tell this story because I am very much a believer of “not playing the victim” and “not having thin skin.”  And there I was, playing the victim and having very, very thin skin. How did this happen?

Well, several months ago Elizabeth and I were having breakfast with good friends of ours who relayed how they felt patronized due to their age at a diner on one of their long road trips.  After listening to their story, I felt like they may have over-reacted.  However, that story obviously stuck with me.  And several other incidents have occurred that have made me realize that ageism is alive and well.  And now we have this perception by some at our church that the older parishioners are being ignored, dismissed, and maybe being patronized.

So, that may be one of the reasons I felt like I was being patronized during that exchange with the two young men.  But was I being truly patronized? When I look back at that exchange, the two young men were in a very engaged conversation.  I had interrupted them. In addition, they did not know me.  And I came on pretty strong with my invitation to attend our Saturday Men’s Breakfast.  In other words, given the circumstances, they may have treated me the same way if I had been 25 or 30 years old.  It was my perception that created the belief that I was a victim of ageism, and I was being patronized. And maybe Ageism was involved, but maybe not.

So, I started thinking about one of the core elements in avoiding conflict and misunderstandings.  And that core element is to “assume positive intent.” And I decided I would revisit this core element.  So, as I started writing this post intent on writing about positive intent due to my epiphany, an icon popped up on my blank sheet. And when I put my curser over the icon the following phrase appeared, “Draft with CoPilot”. I hesitated and tapped the icon.  And then the following question appeared, “What do you want CoPilot to draft?”, I responded with “How do I assume positive intent in others?” And here is what came up.

“When we choose to assume positive intent, we shift our perspective from judgment to understanding. This mindset encourages us to pause and reflect before forming conclusions, allowing us to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. As a result, we become better listeners and collaborators, fostering a culture where everyone feels valued and supported.” It went on. “In our daily interactions—whether at work, with family, or among friends—misunderstandings and frustrations can arise quickly. One powerful mindset shift that can transform our relationships and our environments is the practice of ‘assuming positive intent.’ This principle asks us to believe that others’ actions and words are motivated by good intentions, even when outcomes fall short of expectations or communication is unclear. By adopting this approach, we foster trust, reduce conflict, and create an atmosphere of empathy and cooperation.”

And then it defines assuming positive intent – and does so well.  “Assuming positive intent means that, instead of jumping to negative conclusions about another person’s motives, we first consider the possibility that their intentions are good, even if their actions seem off-putting or their communication is lacking. This does not mean ignoring or excusing harmful behavior but rather giving others the benefit of the doubt before reacting defensively or with suspicion.”

And here is the best part.  It tells you how to practice “Assuming Positive Intent”.

1. Pause Before Reacting: When you feel slighted or confused by someone’s words or actions, take a moment to breathe and reflect. Ask yourself, “Could there be another explanation?”
2. Seek Clarification: Instead of making assumptions, ask questions. “Can you help me understand what you meant by that?” encourages dialogue and reduces misinterpretation.
3. Reflect on Your Own Biases: Recognize that your perspective is shaped by your past experiences. Be aware of jumping to conclusions based on limited information.
4. Model Positive Intent: Demonstrate the behavior you wish to see. When you assume the best of others, they’re more likely to do the same for you.
5. Forgive Mistakes: Everyone makes errors. Focusing on intent rather than outcome helps maintain goodwill and encourages a growth mindset.

I could have researched all of this and written the above in my own words. But quite honestly, AI did a better job.  And I have to realize that AI can make me a better writer, but it will not replace me.  Why, because as good of a job that AI does with descriptive narrative, it is not a good storyteller.  That may change.  But for now, good story tellers are needed because it is not what is said that sticks with us, but how those words make us feel.  And good story tellers change minds and win hearts. And that is how we are going to bridge the gap between people who have different belief systems.

So, as I reflected back on that exchange with those two young men, I was not in a good place at that moment.  I was already upset because the Men’s Ministry description had been butchered in the Ministry Descriptions Handout that everyone saw that morning.  In addition, I had all of the past “Stuff on Ageism” in my head.  To be quite honest, I was waiting for these guys to disappoint me. I definitely did not assume positive intent. If I had, I would not have been hurt or sad and mad.

But there is another point to all of this.  EVEN IF these two young men did not want to talk to me because of my age, that is their loss, not mine.  As the book “The Four Agreements” states, “Do not take things that others say and do personally.”  Other people have their own reality.  And as we all know too well now, that reality is often very misinformed and just plain wrong.  So, we need to unendingly pursue truth and self-love.  And if we do so, other’s opinions of us do not hurt as much. And we will not play the victim.

And here is the last thing I need to do. See AI’s number 5 above.  I need to forgive mistakes.  And I would even say that I need to practice grace with others who have different opinions than me.  They have those opinions because of people they associate with and love, and because of what they read and see. That does not make them bad people.  

So, those two young men are trying.  They attend church.  And one reason they are attending church is because they want the same thing for their kids that we wanted.  They want to raise their kids with Christian values.  Hmm, not such a bad thing.  And maybe we old people should practice some grace.  Maybe we should assume positive intent of our Rector and not be jealous of the young people getting more of his time and attention. Maybe we should help our Rector welcome these people, even if they seem a little self-centered and self-absorbed. They are at least trying.

I guess I will have to start utilizing AI.  Gosh, change is tough.  But I have to remember what Alan Arkin said, “There are only two truths in the world.  There will always be change and you can never use too much garlic.”