Thanks, and Giving 11.27.25

Today, always a Thursday, is a day to treasure.  It is a day to slow down, spend time with family and friends, and to give thanks. But I am not sure we fully embrace this day’s essential meaning. And a note I received today from one of my friends relaying his recent experience visiting some “favelas” in Northern Brazil made me think about this even more.

We all know the story of the native Americans and pilgrims sitting down together for the first Thanksgiving meal in a land that would one day become a part of the United States. However, the annual thanksgiving holiday tradition in what would become the North American Colonies and eventually the United States occurred in 1619 in Virginia. After a successful landing at Berkeley on the James River, the 38 settlers had a religious celebration specifically dictated by the group’s charter “that the day of our ships arrival at the place assigned for plantation in the land of Virginia shall be yearly and kept holy as a day of thanksgiving to Almighty God.” But why let facts get in the way of a good narrative. This spat between the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the Commonwealth of Virginia was finally quelled by a resolution by President Kennedy when he signed a proclamation giving credit to both Virginia and Massachusetts. 

Regardless of its beginnings, many of our former presidents created proclamations creating a National Day of Thanksgiving, starting with George Washington. But this day of Thanksgiving did not become a federal holiday until Lincoln made it so during the civil war. And the fourth Thursday of November did not become the official date until Franklin Roosevelt made it so. 

During Roosevelt’s term, there were proponents to moving the Thanksgiving holiday up on the calendar to create an even longer Christmas shopping season. The hope was that more holiday spending would help the United States out of the Great Depression. Fast forward to today. I think it is safe to say that Thanksgiving is no longer getting in the way of Christmas shopping. In fact, Carter, who is visiting us for Thanksgiving with his girlfriend Youran, asked a very good question. “Is Thanksgiving now just a warm-up to Christmas?” Not to be a cynic, but I replied that Thanksgiving is no longer even a warm-up. It has been completely overshadowed. The Black Friday craze which now starts well before Thanksgiving makes my point. 

Do not misunderstand me – I do love Christmas. We usually put our now 17-year-old 12-foot tall Christmas tree up the Friday after Thanksgiving. But our son Carter was so excited to put the Christmas presents that he and Youran had bought for everyone under the Christmas tree that we put the tree up early – today with lights only. Seeing the joy as Carter placed each present in a carefully selected spot under the tree was priceless. It brought me so much joy. So, I do love Christmas. 

But I also love that Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the coming together to attend mass or church services, to sing hymns, and to reflect on the themes of love, peace, redemption and sacrifice. This is also a holiday that IS celebrated around the world with the central message of “Peace on Earth and goodwill among ALL.”   And I do love that it is a time to celebrate and exchange gifts, which represents the gifts that the Three Wise Men offered to the baby Jesus. The sharing of gifts represents our love and commitment to one another, as well as the expression of generosity and gratitude. And that is what saw and felt as Carter placed his and Youran’s gifts under the tree.

But those themes, especially gratitude, have gotten lost due to excessive materialistic celebrations and commercialism. So, I want to return to what makes this day so unique. Unlike most of our other holidays, Thanksgiving is not focused on consumerism. Yes, we buy a lot of food, but we do not buy things. Other holidays, even other religious holidays seem more focused on presents, candy, costumes, etc. And unlike ALL other holidays, Thanksgiving has always been a part of our human DNA – every civilization and culture in human history before us has always held some type of celebration (usually with lots of food involved) focused on gratitude, and usually during or after harvest time.  So, this IS the one day of the year that we can, without apology, talk about the importance of gratitude. 

When I read the email from my friend Rolf at mid-day today regarding his visit to several favelas in Northern Brazil, I started doing some research on Favelas. I wish I had known about this issue before my Peru trip because I had the opportunity to spend quite a bit of time with a couple from São Paulo, Brazil, which may have more favelas than any other city in Brazil, despite being the cultural, economic and financial hub of that part of South America. I even read that 14% of the population of São Paulo live in these squalid conditions. And that favelas are in every urban area of Brazil. They are just part of the culture.

If you look up the definition of a Favela in the Oxford dictionary, you read the following: a Brazilian shack or shanty town; a slum. But I believe the following excerpt from Rolf’s email is more descriptive.

“After breakfast we got picked up at 9:30 by 2 social workers in modest cars which were branded by the NGO and were told that we are going to the Favela “Vulture Lake” to register families for the Christmas “basic food” packages. After a 30 min drive  our driver opened all windows and announced that the drug lords require open windows as we enter the neighborhood so they know and see who is coming😳 We learned that we were entering  a neighborhood which no police or social workers enter and that our visit had been cleared with the cartel….once we entered the Favela grounds we could not believe the poverty : shacks put together by discarded wood and plastic tarps, 1 or 2 rooms with nothing more than a couple mattresses, maybe a gas cooker…though some had running TVs and one Wifi for the neighborhood….  It seems every 14-year-old girl is pregnant, the drug cartels loom at every corner, no men are around, and the women carry all the burden of providing and raising an ever-growing group of children. A couple older boys with gold chains and motorcycles were hanging around and at some point, called our friend Andreas over to check him out. We were invited to stay for lunch – of course by the cartel – and had to delicately decline, so we used all my Swiss chocolates to make amends and finally left.”

Rolf even told some specific stories in his email about some of the people he met, but they are too graphic to include.  I was amazed that Rolf did not feel overwhelmed by it all. This may be because of the comment in his email “…on the other hand these families were so happy that someone listened and came to visit…and their zest for life, to provide a better life for their children, taking care of the little possessions they have and their humble home….it was heartbreaking and humbling at the same time!”  Rolf’s observation was backed up by some of my readings. Despite these horrific conditions, there is a real sense of community within many of these places.  In some ways that does not surprise me. Elizabeth had the same experience when she visited Haiti both before and after the earthquake.  When you visit such places around the world, you see a vibrancy and a zest for life that you would not have expected. And here IS THE TRUE PARADOX – they are joyful!  At first it makes no sense. What the heck! 

But if you follow Tibetan Buddhism, (which is a part of the world that has seen its share of suffering), you will know that the Dalai Lama is the spiritual leader. And he says that the secret to joy IS PRACTICING GRATITUDE. What all these people have in common is a sincere practice of gratitude – not just saying they are grateful for what they have but BEING truly grateful. So, the paradox seems to be that in some cultures, and maybe even in ours, the less you have the more grateful you are for what you do have. And I believe Elizabeth saw this in Haiti and Rolf saw this in Brazil.

Two funny, but related events to this theme occurred during our day of Thanksgiving. The first was a discussion about our 17-year-old Christmas tree. Elizabeth and Carter agreed that our tree has seen “better days.” And I admit that our fake tree loses needles every year and is not as robust as it once was. However, it is far from being a “Charlie Brown” Christmas tree. And even if it was, we know what happens once you put lights and ornaments on it! Our tree is no different. However, to prove her point, Elizabeth got on that darn internet machine and asked the following question, “What is the average life of a Christmas tree?” The answer – 5 to 7 years. It went on to say that some may last as long as 15 years! So, our 17-year tree has outlasted its useful life. I countered that it may be true for most people, but we are not most people. I will not bow down to the 3-ism God of Capitalism, Commercialism and Consumerism. We Franklins keep things if they still work. And I maintain that our 17-year-old tree is still beautiful. So, a running joke throughout the day was how we should focus on enjoying this tree’s last year…Elizabeth even visited that darn internet machine and checked out prices for replacement trees. I will just say this – they are not cheap!

Carter, who is our film school graduate and critic and curator of all things on film, bought a movie he had not seen and really wanted to see it on Thanksgiving.  So, this evening we sat down in our movie room and watched “Planes, Trains and Automobiles.” A comedy produced in 1989 and starring Steve Martin and John Candy, the movie is about two travelers thrown together trying to get home for Thanksgiving.  And it is funny. However, when you peel back the onion, the film is a true Thanksgiving film. The character, played by Steve Martin, cannot stand the character played by John Candy. However, circumstances continue to throw them together. Through those two characters we learn the importance of friendship and human connection. We also learn the importance of compassion and not judging others – we may not know the hardships they are going through. But the theme that resonated with me because of Rolf’s email was one of gratitude – finding the good in difficult situations, being adaptable and accepting things you cannot change. Instead of getting angry at things we cannot control, accept and adapt to them. And a positive attitude is everything. Resiliency and creativity can help us get through difficult situations. Who knew that a silly comedy would incapsulate everything I was trying to articulate to myself during this most important day.

Evidently, Pele, the great Brazilian soccer player grew up in a favela. With no money to purchase a soccer ball, he would create one by winding together enough socks to create something resembling a soccer ball.  That is creativity and adapting to your circumstances!

As Rolf states, “It is easy to despair as it is so hard to see a way out: the corrupt government, the ruthless drug cartels, the endless cycle of unwanted pregnancies, lack of education, and continued abject poverty. But then you see the spirit of the people, their eagerness to learn, their grace and hospitality, their optimism and ambitions, and you must feel compelled to give them just a chance!!! So, the work we do in Africa, and will do here in Brazil, is meaningful one child and one apprentice at a time!”

I sent Rolf, who is German and now living in Switzerland, an email letting him know we are celebrating Thanksgiving here in the United States. And I let him know that his email put an even sharper focus on the importance of gratitude and to giving thanks.  But it also reminded me that we should also focus on the “giving” of Thanksgiving. 

It remains to be seen whether my 12-foot “Charlie Brown” Christmas tree makes it to next year! Happy Thanksgiving!

A postscript – we celebrated Thanksgiving with our youngest son Carter and his girlfriend Youran at the Lakehouse.  Our middle so Jack and his wife Olivia celebrated Thanksgiving with Olivia’s family at the beach in Sandbridge, Virginia.  Our oldest son Davis and his wife Bridget celebrated Thanksgiving in Charlottesville with Bridget’s family by hosting 36 people at their house! And they pulled it off in splendid fashion! Although we were not together with all of our family, we remained connected throughout the day by texting photos and comments.  I am truly happy that each of our sons are part of other wonderful families that they can celebrate with. Like I said, we need to focus on giving as well as being thankful.