Letter to James on Friendship 2.20.21

James,

I woke up this morning and saw emails from several of your dad’s friends from around the country with comments on the high school basketball game he coached last night. Your dad had invited them to watch some of the game if they were so inclined by using a link on the internet. The fact that several of his friends actually took the time to watch an insignificant high school basketball game on a Friday night to support their friend brought tremendous joy to me. 

In our house we have a framed quote from one of your grandma Gizzy’s friends that states “Friends are presents you give yourself.”  That friend still lives on the street your dad grew up on. And we are still friends.  And her oldest son was one of Davis’ best friends growing up. And they are still friends.

I love that simple quote “Friends are presents you give yourself.” And my research during the past year into the importance of social connection has made me appreciate even more the significance and wisdom behind that quote.  Like choosing a special gift, maintaining friendships requires attention and intention. Life gets very busy with lots of distractions and it takes attention to listen and find out what is happening in your friends’ lives, and it takes intention to stay in touch.  It requires physical, intellectual and emotional effort. But those “presents of friendship” come back multiplied. And the rewards from putting in the effort to maintain those friendships are more valuable than most of us realize. Many studies have concluded that they are the secret to health and happiness.

Your dad made many of these friends in college – a university that I thought may not be a good fit for your dad because of a certain type of person I thought the school attracted.  I was wrong. Although the university is not perfect – no place is – it does encourage a culture of community and fraternity while maintaining exceptionally high academic standards.  And I am constantly amazed at how his group of friends from Washington and Lee University stick together. James, may you be so fortunate one day to have such loyal and dedicated friends.  

Just remember, you will have to work at it. And sometimes, you may have to be the one to keep the friendship going. And remember, do not expect those efforts to be acknowledged, at least not immediately. But you will be rewarded. Give yourself those gifts.

After I read those emails from your dad’s friends, I took my own advice and fired off an email to those same friends thanking them for taking the time to take an interest in something that your dad is so passionate about – basketball. And for encouraging him and being there for him.

Love,

Papa J

p.s. can you guess where your dad inherited his passion for basketball…